Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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