2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
