just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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