She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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