Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
