oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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