names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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