woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
