happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
