These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
