My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
