The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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