I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
