respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
