Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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