Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
