I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
