The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
