What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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