if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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