Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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