when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you win again, gameday.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
