Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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