can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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