I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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