I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
