4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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