Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
