i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
