We're facebook friends in real life
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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