im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We need to get me chipped asap
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
