i wish there were pregnant emoticons
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
