oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
