JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
