Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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