I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
