Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
