yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
