hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
