Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
