I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
