we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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