he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
