peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
