Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
