There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
