I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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