In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
