i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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