you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
